


That Time Sheppard Turned Into a Penguin

by ashinae



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-02
Updated: 2012-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-28 18:30:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/310874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashinae/pseuds/ashinae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It really wasn't so bad being an independent, foot-tall, chubby fairy penguin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Time Sheppard Turned Into a Penguin

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuses for this.

Well, this was horrifying.

Keller smiled. "It really does look like he's in a little tuxedo, doesn't it?" she said.

Rodney, for his part, looked downright smirky. "We could get him a tiny bow-tie."

John flapped his wings indignantly. _Absolutely not!_

"What's that, Colonel?" Rodney asked. The smug bastard. "You like that idea?"

John made a very annoyed little sound and waddled away to hide behind Teyla's legs. She clucked her tongue at Rodney, turned, and lifted John right up. "Do not make fun of him," she said, sternly. "This must be terribly difficult."

Ooh, this was nice. Teyla was comfy. John snuggled in.

"Oh, yes, absolutely," Rodney said, nodding, but still smirking. "I'm just trying to help lighten the mood. I can't imagine how _awful_ this must be for him, having been turned into a fairy penguin and all." He started chuckling at the word 'fairy'.

John made a mental note to bite him.

*

Ronon discovered that John-the-fairy-penguin liked being tickled.

John made a mental note to bite him later.

After more tickles.

*

John waddled into the conference room after Teyla, Ronon, Rodney, Sam, and Keller. Just because he couldn't talk didn't mean he didn't need to be there and involved. There seemed to be a little bit of disapproval on Keller's face--she didn't like it when he sat in on the meetings because they tended to talk about him like he wasn't there. John ignored the disapproval and went right to Teyla's feet. He squawked and flapped and flapped and squawked at her until she lifted him up onto the table. He lifted his head and looked around as imperiously as a foot-tall chubby little bird could manage.

He was a somewhat horrified, sometimes, of his little penguin-paunch. He was eating too much. But Ronon and Teyla just kept on feeding him, and who was he to argue?

And then Teyla started to absently stroke his head with a fingertip and he wiggled and flapped and made little penguin-purring sort of noises until Rodney complained that he was distracting. And thank goodness, because it was kind of embarrassing and John just couldn't stop himself.

They still didn't know how to change him back. He was eating them out of house and home re: tuna. When Sam pointed that out, she smiled, but John was horrified. What would he do if they ran out of tuna? He flapped, turned in a little circle, and jumped down onto Teyla's lap and burrowed in against her.

They were _running out of tuna_.

The horror.

There was amusement in her voice when Sam said, "There's actually more tuna coming on the _Daedalus_ with our other supplies, Colonel."

He peeked over the top of the table and then let out a sigh of relief.

*

"He's going to forget how to walk," Rodney complained.

Teyla, cradling John in her arms, trailed a fingertip over John's head. "He likes it."

"You're indulging him!"

"Yes, I am," Teyla said. "Is that wrong in some way?"

"Of course it is! He's a penguin. It's not like he's dying."

"And I suspect this is very difficult for him. We have not gone on a mission since before this... transformation. And he cannot communicate with us properly. He must be very frustrated."

Ronon appeared from around the corner. "Hey. My turn." He held out his hands, and Teyla deposited John in them.

"Not you, too!" Rodney cried in dismay.

"What?" Ronon put John up on his shoulder.

John puffed out his chest. He was on top of the world.

*

"Stop putting the penguin on the table."

John squawked indignantly.

Rodney huffed. " _Fine_. Stop putting _John_ on the table." He tugged his tray closer.

John took a few tentative steps forward. He had finished his can of tuna, but Rodney had lots of food left.

"You're getting fat," Rodney told him. He looked at Ronon and Teyla for support. "Tell him!"

They didn't say a word.

Rodney scowled.

John waddled closer and flapped.

"No," said Rodney.

John let out a sad little noise and lowered his head.

"Stop that."

John took a step backward.

"You hurt his feelings, McKay," Ronon accused. He reached for John and lifted him onto his shoulder.

John turned his back on Rodney.

"Oh for the love of..." Rodney _sighed_. "Colonel? I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Do you want some fruit?"

John peered back over his shoulder at Rodney.

Rodney pointed at his fruit cup. "There's peaches."

John wiggled his bum.

"See? I know you want some. C'mere, you ridiculous bird."

John hopped down onto the table, making happy little penguin-noises, and hurried to get the peaches.

"Ridiculous," Rodney muttered.

*

"Don't you have anything better to do?" Since the transformation--John had started thinking of it as The Incident--Sam sounded like she was constantly on the edge of laughter every time she talked to him.

He chirped and shifted closer on her desk to her laptop.

"I'm very busy," she told him.

He wasn't. He waddled closer and peered at her screen.

"I'm just doing up some personnel reports. Do you want to help?"

Ew. No. He waddled to the edge of her desk and peered down. Boy, that was a long drop. He looked back at Sam.

"Do you need a hand down?" This time, she did laugh, but she got to her feet and put him down at the floor. He peered up at her, _chirrrrrped_ in thanks, and waddled for the door.

"'Morning, Colonel," said Chuck, cheerfully. He bent down and gave John a little piece of apple.

He'd always liked Chuck.

Radek was coming up the stairs with a report for Sam. He paused to help carry John back down the stairs.

Really, it wasn't so bad being an independent little penguin and all.

*

Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon went offworld with Major Lorne.

John sulked under Sam's desk all day.

*

"You know, Colonel," Keller said, "I did have thoughts about being a vet when I was a little girl, but I never thought anything like this would happen." She stroked his head.

"Well, how's the penguin?" Rodney asked, strolling up to John's bedside.

"Rodney!" Keller chastised. "Don't call him that. It's still Colonel Sheppard in here."

Rodney had _food_ in his hands! John moved closer to the edge of the bed, backside wagging furiously in excitement.

"Hey, hey, hey, be careful or you'll fall off," Rodney said. He put his sandwich down on the bed so he could reach out and steady John.

John took his opportunity and pounced on the sandwich.

"Hey!" Rodney cried. "You rotten bird!"

"Rodney!" Keller said. "Don't call him a bird."

John didn't care what Rodney called him, really, so long as he kept bringing chicken salad sandwiches.

*

"Don't get used to this," Rodney warned. "I mean it. You have two perfectly good feet and they work just fine."

John looked up at Rodney with beady little green eyes, then rested his head on Rodney's chest and chirped happily.

"Ridiculous," Rodney muttered. But John could tell he was smiling.

*

"Oh my God. That did not happen."

Rodney, well, cackled. "I'm showing you the evidence. That's _you_ , John."

"No. No way." John shook his head.

Rodney reset the video and showed it to him again. "Keller called it a 'joygasm', and you know, I think that's a pretty accurate term. You got like that every time Ronon tickled you."

John covered his face. "Oh my God."

"You really don't remember?" Rodney looked highly disbelieving.

"It's weird. My memory of it all is kind of spotty." John paused. "I'm never eating tuna again as long as I live."

"You might have caused the complete extinction of tuna if we hadn't been able to turn you back," said Rodney.

John put his head down on the desk. "I need to stop turning into things," he muttered.

"I think we make that a new rule."


End file.
